A Letter to My Mother

You know what’s really interesting? My mother loves Mothers Day but now hates her birthday. When I wished her “Happy Birthday” literally three weeks before Mothers Day, she let out a deep sigh and an eye roll over the phone. I could hear her ice cubes surrounded by a body of Casa Amigos tequila clinking against each other as I belted out into song.

She told me not to post anything about her birthday, which is rare because she LOVES when I shower her with love, affection and attention. So I waited to take the opportunity to share with her and my fabulous fans a little letter to my mother for Mothers Day.  After she saw my post she was literally like:

and then like:

My mother is the most fabulous woman in the world. But she’s nuts. And amazing. But like, crazy. She’s now going through this really interesting phase where she’s decided to put a cap on her age, yet she’s nagging me for grandchildren…

However she doesn’t want to be called Grandma, granny or anything that sounds remotely ancient. So she’ll probably be pulling a Kris Jenner and call herself “Lovey” or something of that nature.

My mother continues to make me laugh to the point where my abs hurt and my Shaman suggested that I poke fun at the woman who I love the most in this world because it’ll make my third chakra shine. Or something like that.

I want to be like her when I grow up because I too want to light up any room I enter, not just with diamonds but with my poise, elegance, and glamour.

I love you Mom, I meant every word in my letter. Bergdorfs when I’m back?