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24 HOURS BEFORE THE MET GALA AND HERE’S WHAT NANNA HAS TO SAY

Dear my beloved guests, stylists, and glam squads,

You officially have 24 hours to get your shit together.

I want you to take a moment to light some sage and wave it around your vision board in counter clock wise motions at least 100 times and envision your most beautiful selves while chanting “Pretty Hurts” by Beyoncé. If you or your glam squad did not prepare a vision board already then I will pray for you.

Whether you wish to manifest something big, like getting a smile out of me, or something small like winning best dressed, it is up to you.

I am so pleased to see so many of you prepping your skin to get your Met Gala glow on point. Remember the paparazzi’s can’t capture your inner beauty so please keep that in mind.

I want to briefly touch upon the importance of your feng shui energy maps since we really need you to harmonize with the Met Gala’s surroundings. Tonight, it is CRUCIAL for you to place your outfits in the south point of your homes in order for the clothes themselves to generate the “fame” shui. It is vital for the front part of the entire outfit to face the north point which magnifies and boosts your careers. That is if you still want one by Tuesday.

If you are reading this sans a hydrating mask on and without a tumeric tea in hand then I suggest we do something about that since we all know how much inflammation thrills me. 

Please get at least 10.5 hours of sleep tonight and don’t forget to read your bibles. And by bibles, I mean Vogue. 

Don’t disappoint me.

ILYSM

Nanna

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Fashion

NANNA’S MET GALA DO’S AND FAUX PAS

Dear my gorgeous guests,

As I currently flip through the Met Gala archives that Grace lovingly put together for me, I realize that there are many do’s and faux pas that I must address before the big day. 

Over the past couple of Met Gala years there have been those who stand out, and those who should go home and change. Now more than ever we need you to take a stance in Fashion. I want you to ask yourselves, and perhaps consult a shaman, guru or Chinese healer: “Who am I in Fashion and what do I want to say about Fashion?” I want to hear this message loud and clear when you hit every pose on that red carpet. Each time the paparazzi camera flashes, I want to feel as if you are shouting from the Himalayan mountains, THIS-IS-FASHUN. Okrrruu!

There is a reason why this year’s Met Gala theme is about “camp”. And if you still think that “camp” means summer camp in the Berkshires then please don’t bother showing up at all.

Unfortunately we are currently living in a time where originality is becoming a bit of a dying habit. I’m not saying originality isn’t still apparent, because it certainly is thanks to all of our hard working designers, but it’s not as common as it used to be in regards to the consumer. The term “basic” is a word I hear thrown around in the intern cubicles far too often and it paralyzes my entire core, but not in a botox-y way, more like in a cardiac arrest way.

We need you to literally be the most of the most, the creme de la creme. I don’t want to see whats in today. Nor do I want to see what will be in tomorrow. I want to see what will be SO new that that the internet breaks because you have started the next fashion chapter. I want you to channel your most outrageous selves. I’m thinking Marie Antoinette on the day she feels glutinous. I’m thinking Elizabeth Taylor maxing out her credit cards on diamonds after she divorces her 6th husband. I’m thinking Iris Apfel after she layers her 100th bangle on her arm. Do you get where I’m going with this? 

I want the lines to be so blurred that in fact, I don’t even want to see a definitive line. I want to see shapes. 

Don’t disappoint me. 

ILYSM

Nanna. 

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Fashion

Nanna’s Met Gala Letter to all the Attendees

Dear my gorgeous guests, 

We are now entering the final week of Met Gala preparations and I expect you to be the best versions of yourselves this coming Monday May 6th, 2019. This year’s theme: “Fashion: Notes on Camp” based on Susan Sontag’s text is about the exaggeration of one’s self. For those of my fashionista’s who still don’t understand what camp means, I want you to imagine a woman walking around in a dress made of four billion feathers going to her local bodega to buy a pack of gum. It’s an exaggerated fantasy that I want you to transform into. “The whole point of Camp is to dethrone the serious. Camp is playful, anti-serious.” but don’t come looking like a joke.

This week I want you to only focus on outer beauty. The paparazzi’s can’t capture your inner beauty so please keep that in mind. I want you to call your dermatologists, cosmetologists, hair stylists, masseuses, life coaches, personal trainers, chefs, and therapists to make sure you see them at least 3 times each this week. If you happen to have room for them to live at your homes, that would be preferable. Another suggestion would be to consult your make up artists every day until next Monday on what looks you’re going for this year. Please ask them to sleep with a picture of your faces next to their bed so that they can manifest only the best versions of you. 

Do not, I repeat do not, get any fake tans, fillers, or lip injections this week, you’re too late if you haven’t done so already. These things take time to heal and process and I don’t want to see any wtf happened to her face on the red carpet this year. Please spare me the gasp. 

I want you to surprise me, shock me, and make me believe you should be invited next year. I don’t want you to take this theme to the next level, I want you to take this theme to the next 10 levels after that. 

Remember, the entire world will be watching you and I will be the ultimate judge on Monday. 

Mark your calendars and stay tuned for my Met Gala Nanna Commentary which will be live on my insta-story!

Don’t let me down. 

ILYSM.

Nanna.

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Fashion

HAVE YOU MET NANNA?

You may recognize her; she’s the woman who invented chic, always has her sunnies on and has never seen a split end in her life because her hair dresser is on call every Friday at 3pm. She is goals.

I know Nanna more than most, and that’s because she’s my fashion nanna. She birthed me in some way and luckily gave me an internship at Vogue in the accessories department when I was just a little fashion toddler. Back in those days they sent a car service for all of my errands which I found to be incredible chic and thoughtful. It was the era of the Balenciaga gladiator wedge and those things were almost impossible to walk in for more than 3 blocks. So luckily I was always in an air conditioned car, sipping my skinny ice latte, and chatting with my driver Ramone who had some real chauffer T.

Nanna is legendary for many reasons but mostly because I think of her as this kind of fashion dinosaur that has been around so many fashion era’s. She tells me stories about sitting in the whispering chairs at Bergdorfs while having Jardin Bleu tea and firing waiters for not serving her on the correct side. Which personally I don’t blame her for.

Recently she’s been very vocal about the red carpet. Like the actual carpet, like where it’s from and what color rouge it should be. But as you’ve seen on my insta-stories (if you haven’t seen, go on my insta page in the “highlights” section to check it out) she’s been having these amazing recaps and judgments about what people are wearing to the biggest fashion events. She’s right 100% of the time, and people are now comparing these highlights to a better, more modern, more fun, fashion police! Well, At least that’s what my fans say.

Nanna is already preparing for the Met Gala in ways you can’t even imagine. In April and May she gets New York city itself prepped. Like I’m pretty sure she gets uber heli’s to sprinkle some kind of cleanser into the air so that the city itself is ready for the Met Gala. I mean try getting a facial appointment at Mario Badescu in April/May and they’ll literally laugh over the phone, in Russian. I’ve made that mistake once, so now when I do actually want to get a facial I have to fly to Hong Kong.

Because of her super powers, she is able to control everyone who not only goes to the Met Gala but the team behind the guests who are attending the event. For example, she has informed every make up stylist to not over bronze her guests like a particular person that rhymes with Shmelina Shmomez. Sorry I hate to name drop, so rhyming will have to do.

I’m excited to see what everyone will be wearing this year, especially since this year’s theme is a little unclear, but Nanna will be there for you guys reporting live from the event. So make sure you tune into my insta-stories to see some praising and mental breakdowns!

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